From The Mouths Of Babes

In Denver the members of a Sunday school class were asked to set down their favorite Biblical Truths. One youngster laboriously printed: "Do one to others as others do one to you."

3-year-old, Reese: "Our Father, Who does art in heaven, Harold is His name. Amen."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time like I am."

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied: "They couldn't get a baby-sitter."

A little boy 's bedtime prayer: "Dear God, Please take care of my Mommy and my Daddy and my sister and my brother and my doggie and me. And please take care of yourself, too God, because if anything happens to you, we'll all be in a mess!

A mother who worked for an organization that delivers meals to elderly shut-ins often took her 4 year old daughter with her. The little girl was always intrigued by the various canes, walkers, wheelchhairs, and other appliances associated with old age. One day, the woman found her daughter staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. The little girl whispered, "The tooth fairy is never going to believe this one!"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They weren ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

A mother had been teaching her three-year old daughter the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime. She would repeat after her mother lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not into temptation," the child prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail. Amen."

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

A father was at the beach with his children when the four- year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied. The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered. The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

During a power outage, the paramedic had to ask the three year old to hold the flashlight for him while he delivered her baby brother. After the baby was safely delivered, the paramedic asked the little girl what she thought of her new brother. She replied, "Smack him again! He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place."

The 4 year came screaming out of the bathroom to tell his mother that he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. She fished it out and threw it in the garbage. The boy stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to his mother's bathroom and came out with her toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago."

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a policeman was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," he answered and continued writing the report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?" "Yes, that's right," he told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended her foot, "would you please tie my shoe?"

It was the end of the day when the police officer parked his police van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment, m his K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and he saw a little boy staring in at him. "Is that a dog you got back there?" the boy asked. "It sure is," the officer replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at the policeman and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, a minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnnn ..... and into the hole he gooooes."

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out." What have you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.. The first boy says: "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says: "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says: "I got you both beat."My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a 'Sermon' ......... And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" the Sunday School teacher asked the children in his Sunday School class.

"NO!" the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!"

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" he asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"

"Well," he continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"