How Was That Again ? ! ? ! ? ! ?

These are actual mistakes that have been found printed in church bulletins. Some are sure to give a chuckle!

• "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa."
• Announcement in the church bulletin for a National Prayer & Fasting Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals."
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
• "Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation."
• "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
• "Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers' Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time."
• "The peacekeeping meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict."
• "The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'."
• "Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get."
• "Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons."
• During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
• The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of His audience.
• The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. John Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
• The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
• Evening massage - 6 p.m.
• The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
• "The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing 'Break Forth into Joy'."
• "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, 'hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you."
• "Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help."
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days."
• "A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow."
• "At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice."
• "Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones."
• "The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir."
• "Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children."
• "The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel."
• "For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs."
• "Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered."
• "Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch."
• "The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility."
• "Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow."
• "The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon."
• "This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring along a blanket and be prepared to sin."
• "Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done."
• "The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning."
• "Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door."
• "The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy."
• "Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance."
• "Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes."

• "The pastor is starting a "Mother's Club" next Sunday evening. All women who would like to become mothers should meet with the pastor in his study."

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